Daughter Talking with Elderly Mother About Phone Scams

Protect The Elder Adults in Your Family From Phone Scams

Original Article | AARP Scams and Fraud

Talk with your victimized parents about how their experience could be important for other people facing the same situation.

In many scams, your parents may be targeted more often than other age groups and fall victim more often, too. And once burned, they may be hit up again as easy marks.

All this is made easier for the scammers if you live elsewhere, unable to run interference on incoming phone calls, emails and mailed letters from con artists. Giving your parents stern warnings or demanding power of attorney to control their finances may seem like the way to go — but often those tactics come with nasty emotional fallout.

“When protectors take over finances or lecture parents about their mistake, it plays right into the scammers’ hands by threatening the target’s independence,” says Anthony Pratkanis, a social psychologist at the University of California, Santa Cruz, and coauthor of Weapons of Fraud with AARP’s Douglas Shadel. “For scam victims to admit they were wrong means they’re stupid and unable to take care of themselves,” Shadel said.

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So how can you help without hurting their feelings? Here are four approaches that might work:

1. Don’t just tell your parent to hang up or throw out the letter

Have a talk about why. You can’t win a contest you didn’t enter, Dad. You never have to pay fees to collect lottery winnings, Mom. Government agencies don’t make unsolicited phone calls and never ask for personal information — why would they? They’ve already got it on file.

2. Don’t shame or blame 

Remind them what they taught you decades ago: Don’t trust strangers — especially those seeking personal information and money.

3. Try some reverse psychology 

If you become aware that an aged parent is playing a sweepstakes or making a “double your money” investment, ask how you can do the same. Psychologists say this tactic sometimes prompts a warning — your parent doesn’t want you to lose money, too. That’s your cue to ask, “Then why do you do it?” This could start a conversation that helps the parent come to terms with the scam.

4. Turn patsies into protectors

Talk with your victimized parents about how their experience could be important for other people facing the same situation: “The authorities are looking for these guys, so maybe you can help others.” This may make them willing to part with the details of what happened.

In the meantime, keep alert for warning signs. If you don’t live nearby, ask a trusted neighbor to be your eyes and ears. What kind of mail is coming into the house? Does there seem to be a pattern of scam callers on the phone? These could suggest that your folks are on “sucker lists” for sweepstakes and “investment opportunities.” These lists are developed and sold among scammers to identify past victims as candidates for future fraud.

Consider setting up online access to your parents’ bank and credit card accounts. This will let you watch over their finances from afar. Look for unusual monthly charges, big and small.

Know the risks. The most common scams against the elderly include phony lottery and sweepstakes seeking upfront fees to enter or collect; government impostors posing as reps from Social Security and Medicare; the grandparents scam, in which a grandchild is supposedly in deep trouble; offers for free or discount medications (including anti-aging drugs) or medical equipment; and credit card fraud and investment schemes.

Women are twice as likely as men to fall for elder financial abuse, especially when they’re in their 80s and when living alone. Either gender with a Type A personality — used to making quick decisions — most frequently falls for “act now!” scams like fake lotteries. For any scam, an especially vulnerable time is the three years after some major stress, such as the loss of a spouse or a change in health or housing.

Other steps to consider

  • Unlist your parents’ phone number so scammers can’t get it. Consider replacing the landline with a cellphone, where scam calls are less frequent.
  • Put your parents’ addresses on opt-out lists with the Direct Marketing Association. Once done, legitimate vendors won’t send junk mail, and parents will know that what arrives is likely from scammers. That mail should be reported to the U.S. Postal Inspection Service.
  • Check their credit reports at AnnualCreditReport.com to ensure that fraudulent new accounts haven’t been opened in their names.
  • If Mom and Dad won’t heed your warnings, AARP can help. You or they can call the AARP Fraud Fighter Call Center at 800-646-2283 toll-free. Expect a voicemail greeting, but messages are usually returned within 48 hours. Says program director Jean Mathisen: “We get a lot of calls from children asking that we contact their parents” about possible scams, and even more from elders suspecting that they have been caught in a scam. “But I don’t want to tell my children,” they say.

Sid Kirchheimer writes about consumer issues for AARP Media.


The mission at FAST is to increase public awareness of financial exploitation with the goal of mitigating risk of exploitation and protecting our state’s vulnerable populations.

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